Bush Orders Iraq To Disarm Before Start Of War

(the onion)

WASHINGTON, DC
Maintaining his hardline stance against Saddam Hussein,
President Bush ordered Iraq to fully dismantle its military
before the U.S. begins its invasion next week.
"U.S. intelligence confirms that, even as we speak,
Saddam is preparing tanks and guns
and other weapons of deadly force for use
in our upcoming war against him," Bush said Sunday
during his weekly radio address.
"This madman has every intention of firing back at our troops
when we attack his country." Bush warned the Iraqi dictator
to "lay down [his] weapons and enter battle unarmed,
or suffer the consequences."